I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize