So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
