So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
