i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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