your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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