wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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