Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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