haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
