yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
40s are totally the cure
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
