just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
