Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
