i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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