C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
