Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
