i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
