My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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