3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
