I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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