she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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