I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
