How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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