Only a mothe r could love this liver
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
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