Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My ass is underappreciated
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
