I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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