I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
