I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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