Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
