You surviving the open bar?
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She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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