just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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