I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
