I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
