god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
