Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
