I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
