Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I will pee on everything he values.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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