i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
