You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
