Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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