i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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