I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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