Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
