i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
