I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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