i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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