stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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