Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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