Tell her she can't have a vagina
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
