we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
