WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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