so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
