I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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