i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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