No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Randomize
