not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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