Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
