I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
