Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize