He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
