the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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