im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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