yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
