Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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