I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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