we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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