I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize