It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Randomize
