trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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