did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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