So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
