forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
