I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
