i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize