if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
