he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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