Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
