Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
