We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Randomize
