I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
