I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
