we have pet lesbian snakes
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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