that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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